Holiday Letter 2005

December 2005 Holiday Letter From Marianna & Federico

Our year has had its ups and downs. While Freddie’s hipbone grinds, bone against bone, waiting for his operation, which is waiting for the two doctors to talk, the pain worsens. Lately Freddie says that he hurts still, in spite of his new walking technique, but he does not complain. There have been times of hope and the excitement of Spanish Flamenco energy. There have been times of despair and depression and doubt. 

2005 has been a challenging year, to say the least. We celebrated New Year’s 2005 in the convalescent home in Santa Cruz where Freddie was recuperating from his pelvis surgery at Stanford, after falling with a ladder mid-December and fracturing his pelvis. (An added benefit of the convalescent home was that cousin Rosanne works there so Freddie got special attention and a family visit at the same time!)

This whole year we have been dealing with healing. In February Freddie and I both performed at the Capitola Theater in a play written and directed by Stephanie Golino called “Duende Makes a House Call”. It was about illness and healing. It ran for two three-day weekends and was sold out each night. Freddie didn’t use his cane enough during that time and he seemed to have re-injured his pelvis or his leg. It became harder and harder for him to walk. In April we went to work with a Mayan healer in the Yucatan (Mexico). (See the writing on our web page for more details). In the week we spent there, Freddie was able to switch from Oxycotin to Subutex (a much better and less toxic painkiller) and was able to walk without crutches and with little use of his cane. It was a miracle, and we were overjoyed. But back at home Freddie kept overdoing things (from swimming with fins on to overdoing his Bowflex workout) and re-injuring himself.  His condition started to deteriorate again.

At the same time his hip showed signs of losing more and more cartilage and his pelvis doctor suggested that he may need a hip replacement. Freddie’s pain grew and he developed an uncharacteristic depression and loss of hope. I started to get depressed too, as caregiver, lover, friend and playmate. I was losing my partner. 

But thanks to the perseverance and wisdom of our alternative doctor, Dr. Bobbi Spurr, Freddie’s condition is again improving.  Bobbi prescribed growth hormone and oral glutathion and Freddie’s health has taken a leap forward since Wednesday November 16. That night he also began to practice a new walking technique. As we walked to Mama’s tree and bench after teaching our Flamenco class and practicing, Freddie’s leg began to hurt too much to walk. (Wednesday is garbage night and we still continue our ritual of holding hands and sitting by Mama’s tree.) I suggested that Freddie stop and tighten the muscles around the upper leg and hip since he didn’t have much cartilage left, to hold his leg in place. He did, and it stopped hurting and he was able to walk to the bench. Since then he has been practicing that technique and now he can walk without the cane!

We are still teaching our Wednesday Flamenco class and last July we taught a 12-class intensive, 3 days/week during July. It was wonderful. We usually have two to four guitarists playing for our classes and sometimes a visiting singer. Since we haven’t gone to Spain in two years, my psychotherapy practice is growing again and my shamanic work continues as well. And Spain has come to us. This year we have had visits and Flamenco dance and/or singing workshops and classes in our beautiful expanded pool studio from some wonderful people, including Juan del Gastor (Sevilla), Lakshmi (Sevilla), Jaunaire (Valencia), Londro (Jerez), Antonio Rey (Jerez), Pilar Moreno (Canary Islands and San Diego) and Nina Menéndez (Oakland). They have given us inspiration and fun and helped pull us through our difficult times. Freddie and I now sing together when we don’t have the energy to play guitar or dance! 

I am still doing Yoga with Kate, our land-mate and yoga teacher, four days/week but have stopped the one day of Pilates for now. I haven’t danced as much as normal, but still my dancing is growing. And Freddie’s guitar too is growing, amazing, considering all of the trauma he has been through. 

Freddie and our land-mate James, a Flamenco guitarist who plays many other instruments as well, set up a recording studio in a part of the pool house studio and hopefully they will have some recordings finished by early next year. Freddie’s brother Timmie came down with his wife Joanie for Thanksgiving and helped us set up Freddie’s recording studio so it is more efficient and works even better than before.

We have also, in addition to expanding the studio and creating a beautiful ocean view, added solar heating to our pool and solar energy to our home. 

We have had many guests this year too, including Bruce Patterson (guitar and cello), Rick Hunter (cante), my cousin Lesley and her family from New York, and Evan Harrar (guitar). We hosted a wonderful wedding reception for old friends David Jones and Clara here. Freddie’s son Manolo, wife Alta, her daughter Annette and two of our great grand children, Inez and Salina, spent Easter holidays with us. Freddie’s sister Dorothy, her husband John, and their three grandchildren visited us for a while this summer. Again, these friends and family are inspiring distractions from the pain and endless doctor’s appointments. The intense pain made Freddie’s heart fribrillate and now he is on medication to control that too. The doctors are still doing their tests to determine the best course to take. We are hoping that lowering Freddie’s pain level will stop the atrial fibrillaton.

Being more sedentary now, Freddie has set up all kind of bird feeders on our front porch and we spend hours sitting in the sun and watching the birds in this Freddie-made paradise. 

In spite of Freddie’s difficulties, this summer we flew with my Dad Jack and his wife Peggy, my sister Elaine and husband Ken, and cousin Rosanne and husband Charles to Oregon to attend my nephew Gordon and niece-in-law Heather’s wedding. My son Elun flew out from New York for it and it was a treat to see him and other family. Unfortunately, Eun’s wife Donna couldn’t attend and was very much missed. 

Our children are all doing well and leading full lives, but we miss seeing them more often. (This year we missed seeing Freddie’s daughter Maggie, husband Jason and three children Kyle, Katie and Kerra who are living in Texas.)

My father Jack and Freddie’s mother Bea are both doing great and serve as a role models for us as to what 86 can be like! 

At the moment, things seem to be turning around and we are grateful for that and for the beautiful love we share and peaceful and beautiful environment we live in. Our Paraíso here is more and more beautiful. All our land-mates exude an harmonic energy and the land continues to be both healing and peaceful. 

We wish that this holiday may be a season for all to find some joy in these difficult times of war, disasters, and health issues. May each of you find thankfulness and compassion with your joy.

So far, there is always a bird or some sunlight, the smell of a flower, a finger of fog, or the ocean glistening in the distance to reconnect us to beauty, peace, love and gratitude.