October 15, 2001

I finally sent the first two installments today. That feels good.

October 17, 2001

We are thinking very seriously about postponing our return until the beginning of December. Not only do we not want to fly into NY right now (although I don’t know if it will be better in December), but I am learning so much so quickly that I want to continue. I am in a very exciting phase of my learning and am making incredible changes in my dance. Paco wants us to stay for three months but we do want to go home for the Christmas holidays. The “Armenians”, who are New Yorkers, are going home at the end of the month. I hear now from Americans arriving here that security is excellent in the airports. I have been belly dancing and performing with Rayhana, the dancer who is here with the Armenians. She is a lovely, warm and nice person. We worked up a duet to do during her performances here and we put together another (and I think better) kind-of-costume for me. My belly dance is rusty, but the creaks are starting to work out and it is fun. We videoed last night and it was much better than in the previous video. And, it is fun. We use Rayhana’s digital camera to video and then I plug in and transfer it to my digital camera so I have a good quality tape too. Who ever would have thought that I would be belly dancing in Spain! Or anywhere again for that matter!

October 19, 2001

Freddie has been sick with Paco’s cold and bronchial infection but is now recovering. He is on antibiotics. My birthday party is tomorrow. My body is very tired and in my third class today I was actually glad it was Friday and I don’t have any more classes until Monday. However, I love my classes and am still improving every day. Concha is polishing me step by step. We seem to have settled into a work routine. Concha is also working with various themes which I need to put into every part of the dance. Some days we work with one theme, such as comps and accent, and then we add other concepts. I am learning where to make the impulso (impulse) in a step, figura (how to elongate and dramatize the figure in a pose), accent and how not to “eat it” like most foreigners do. I am still polishing my contratiempo (counter time). I am learning to stretch more, to raise my head just a little, to move my arm just slightly up, to arch my back even more, how to stretch and contract my leg in a walk, how to listen better to the music and fit the dance to it. This type of work is just what I have always wanted and I am in heaven. Concha is getting better and better at figuring out how I need to correct my style. I feel so cared for and loved. No teacher has ever shaped me this way before. People are commenting to her on my amazing progress. We work very well together.

Evening It’s pouring rain outside and I am cold and tired. I hope I am not getting sick. I feel sad and mad. Our bed mattress has been on the floor for two days because it sagged so badly in the middle of the bed that Freddie couldn’t sleep on it when he was sick. And, it is more comfortable now, and it doesn’t sag, but I hate it on the floor. It is so dirty and takes up all the room. I just want to lie down and it’s cold on the floor. I don’t know if I feel like dancing tonight. Last night I stayed up in the room while Freddie slept. I watched my class video and went to bed earlier than usual. But my legs felt so tired in my classes today. I don’t want to be sick for my party and my birthday. On the brighter side of things, there is lovely Middle Eastern Oud music drifting up from Haig practicing on the floor below me. Freddie said that when he was sick he would wake up and just listen to the beautiful music below. Later The rain outside loudly rushes past our balcony. The window is open so I can hear the music coming from below, all the way downstairs. I didn’t feel well so I stayed up here, but I belly danced in front of my mirror to Rayhana’s music. My body is still much stiffer than it used to be, but I am enjoying doing the old Middle Eastern moves. I’m sure it’s good for my body. Rubina came up after her dance to ask why I didn’t come down for Sevillanas. Alfonso had asked where I was. Rubina said, “You’re not sick. You’re dancing!” But I feel like resting and not being in a crowd, although Antonio Moya and his wife Maria are also performing tonight. But I just didn’t feel like seeing people. I am feeling very fragile for some reason. So I am going with it. The rain has drowned out all but the loudest music and then the rain subsides, as I write, and the music comes back. The Armenian music was easier to hear; I guess it carries better than guitar and voice. Rubina told me that I had reached a new stage of dance and that she was proud of me. The way I hold my self, she said, is very different now and of a professional level. Rubina is re-thinking her life right now and getting ready to make some major choices. The rain is back full force and the singing now crescendos through it, part of the orchestra.

Rain and Flamenco. We are making arrangements to stay here until December 11. I journeyed for the date and got that, so that it is. We knew we wanted to leave in December, but I was thinking early until the journey. Perhaps the 11th is a scary number to fly on. Maybe the plane will be emptier. I am trying to think of what I need to order from home or buy here to stay the extra month plus. I like the idea but I can’t believe we’re actually doing it. The rain answers my thoughts with the reality of its sound, now heavy again and then heavier. I hear the rain from both sides of the room, from both wonderful windows. We have never spent winter in this room. Last year we left on Halloween, October 31. So we have spent early fall, but not late fall here in Sevilla. This will become another first. Will it be too cold and rainy? Will it be just what we wanted? I will miss eating outside. I will be happy taking my dance classes. The music is over. The crowd is loud below, a roar of voices.

Each night has its own character.

Freddie went down to see Carlos. Carlos’ seventeen year old daughter, his oldest, is getting married on Friday. We are invited. This will be my first wedding in Spain. We are slowly learning the culture by living here longer each time we visit. And with each visit our Spanish improves. I commonly skim the newspaper this time. I have no trouble reading the Spanish now. I still have trouble understanding some people, but not like when we arrived in ‘99. Now I can hear singing clearly from below. It sounds like Juan Carripe. There are a lot of performers tonight: Rubina dancing with her group, the Moyas (Antonio and his wife singer Maria Pea), Pola singing with Antonio Moya’s guitar, the Armenians, Vand Juan Carripe too. He sings an old, esoteric style of Flamenco. I think of him as an anthology of old Flamenco. I don’t know if Bruno, the Italian guitarist who arrived last week and is now staying here, is playing or not. Rubina likes to sing to his guitar. . It wasn’t Juan Carripe down there, it was Alfonso. I just heard Rubina’s footwork. It was fast and clean and driving. It was very good. And now the Solea continues and I hear Alfonso’s voice clearly. Antonio’s timid guitar is almost drowned out. But Alfonso’s voice carries Rubina and she answers with a short spurt of foot work “tacanao” and then the singing continues. I went to the open window during her escobilla (long footwork section with complicated rhythm patterns). I am not really away from the music, I am just unseen. I enjoy it tonight. The applause is loud and I notice that the rain has stopped again. I hear her dancing again and now I am sorry that I am not down there, as I listen at the window. She ends and there is more applause. She has done well. I think about what a good dancer she is as I listen to her from here. I am proud of her. She is also a singer and I want her to follow through with the singing school she applied to and was accepted in. She always smiles and lights up when she sings. Her obvious enjoyment radiates from her. Now I dance the Sevillanas in my mirror. They are playing them too fast but it sounds from the audience like people are dancing. At that speed, I’m glad I’m not down there.

The anthrax thing is still on my mind. I have not taken enough time to grieve the horrible things that have happened in the world. I think that is affecting my mood today. It’s not just business as usual. The world has had some tragic events and there is a real threat of a major war and possibly the end of the world as we know it. And the US, our home, is being attacked by terrorists and germ warfare, so far. It is very scary and very sad.

October 23, 2001

At 8:30 this evening the most beautiful flowers arrived from my son Elun and his wife Donna. They are white lilies or something, with flecks of red in the middle and a beautiful smell. Interspersed are deep red roses. Yellow daisy like flowers are scattered throughout. The bouquet is huge. Alicia, who works downstairs both morning and night, put them in a glass pitcher for me. Rubina helped me carry them upstairs. They are exquisite. I am moved that they both remembered my 57th birthday so beautifully. I loved getting Elun’s e-mail Happy Birthday message on my phone too. And I received a beautiful card from them today as well. I also got a message from Rosanne (my cousin) and Charles (her husband and our long time friend) today —they left a happy birthday song on our phone. I just missed the call —we heard it ringing —it was in my camera bag and we had just come up from class, and we got to the phone just too late. So we listened to the message. A song sung by Rosanne and Charles. I also received Happy Birthday e-mails from my father and his wife Peggy, and my sister Lainey and and her husband Ken, and some friends. Rayhana and Christine and Rubina made a garlic spaghetti dinner which we ate around six in the inside patio of La Carboneria, by the stage. Most of the people who live here were there. Concha and Rubina ate after class was over at 6:30. It has been a nice birthday in spite of the world news. We met some Americans from Palm Springs at breakfast who told us a little more about what it is like in America right now. They said that Las Vegas is closing down and people are out of work, that people still do not go out much on the streets at night and there are sales in all the stores and that gas prices are dropping because people don’t go out.

Here the dollar is slowly rising again. It is up to 185 today. It had gone down to 179 after September 11. It’s been slowly going up all week. I measure a lot by the exchange rate. It affects everything we buy —our food, dance classes, any purchases. I didn’t expect such dramatic things as the unemployment, for example, that would affect the economy, from the slow increase in the exchange rate here. I guess the exchange rate perhaps measures a view of the US in the eyes of Europe rather than what is actually happening at the moment. The US might appear more stable than it is.

Anyway, we are glad we are staying here in Sevilla longer. I just received a toll free number to call AA advantage and I will call them myself now and change the tickets. It looks like we can return home on December 10 (Monday). Anyway, we may go to Granada tomorrow so I want to stop and get some sleep.

October 24, 2001

Rayhana, the belly dancer who is here with the “Armenians” and is Souren’s girlfriend, is of Sicilian decent, but when she dances she could pass for Middle Eastern. Her wavy long black hair frames her pretty round face and her dark brown eyes lined with exotic and dramatic makeup. Her large lips open wide to a beautiful and warm smile. I am always surprised when a strong New York accent comes out of her mouth! Each night she enchants her audience with her dance, her rhinestone bindies sparkling from her face. They love her and she loves them. She is also an artist with make up and has been making up my face now before I dance. She does a much better job than I do now. Rayhana has also lent me parts of her costumes to dance in. She is a fun and giving person. Late at night, after the Armenian’s performance, we watch our videoed shows upstairs on my computer, plugging the cameras in and delighting in our use of this technology. We both love to use this tool to criticize and then correct our dance and of course improve. We correct our arms, our upper bodies, our heads. We see what we like as well. We also trade steps and critiques within the Belly Dance and Flamenco forms. I will miss her when she returns to New York at the end of this month. I write by hand today, on the bus to Granada. The “Armenians” have two shows there tomorrow and are on this bus too. So are Ryan and Christine. La Carboneria will be almost empty. Pola is home in his village for four days so Paco will only have Manolo for company today and tomorrow. After that the Armenians return but Christine, Ryan, Freddie and I will probably stay until Sunday. I did not want to go to Granada yet, but Freddie did and Concha encouraged me to go. So I did my Shamanic journey to get help making a decision about whether to stay in Sevilla by myself and take my dance classes or to go with Freddie to Granada and miss Wednesday, Thursday and Friday classes. The thing that pushed me to go is that my body is exhausted and needs a rest from dancing. Too tired to dance much yesterday, I worked on palmas for two and a half hours in my class with Concha, only doing my Solea once at the end. But I did it well. My palmas are now much stronger after two days of intensive work on them. My right foot has been aching for a week since I started to break in my new shoes, so I know that I do need this rest. And my thighs still struggle with the stairs and complain when I try to dance. So yes, I do need this rest. And the fact that we now plan to stay here until December 10 takes some of the pressure off me.

Last Saturday we celebrated my 57th birthday. It was wonderful. Concha presented me with a delicious and spectacular cake. On the frosting, transferred into the cake itself, was a photo of me dancing my Siguiriya at the performance I gave at La Carboneria in 1999, just before we returned home to California after four a half months in Sevilla. That Siguiriya performance was the sum of what I had learned in Spain that first year. What a surprise to have that on my birthday cake. Concha had had it made from a photo she had of that performance. (She keeps our wedding photo in her bedroom. We saw it there when we spent the “night” at her house after an all night show/fiesta and they gave us their room to sleep in.) Yesterday, on my real birthday, Ryan and Christine presented me with wonderful black and white photos taken at the party. I will try to get them scanned and uploaded to the web site at some point. There are some beautiful ones of Concha and me together. There is one nice one of Freddie playing guitar and me sitting next to him smiling. There is another good one of Freddie playing and Concha sitting next to him singing.

October 25, 2001, Thursday in Granada