July 3, 1999

It is so hot here we can hardly stand it. We didn’t see the degrees yesterday but people from here were sure it was 50 C. Today there is not as much humidity and it is a little better. But it is still very hot. Last night we were drenched in sweat as we slept with the fan on us. Our foam mattress was soaked with our sweat. And now for the last two days I have lost my voice. People here think it is drinking cold water and sleeping with the fan on, but the water is never cold up here, and even the water from the refrigerator is just barely less than warm. My scratchy throat actually started the evening we returned from the beach and may have been caused by the significant change in degrees we experienced. Freddie and I think we have a little bug of sickness. My bowels have not been right for almost two weeks. Is it the heat? This is when we feel our age. But I did manage to practice for an hour and a half this morning and I think I have a hard step relatively mastered, with the proper body and arms, that Concha worked with me on on Friday. She taught a private today, Saturday, at two PM, for an hour and a half. I don’t know how she does it. She has such energy. I don’t have another class until Monday so I can just practice once a day and still have time. It is just too hot in the evenings to practice right now. Even this morning I was drenched in sweat. Last night, after a light dinner, I just slept and didn’t go downstairs once. I think it is because I am fighting this sickness. It is my first sickness here, so that is pretty good.

July 4, 1999, Sunday

It is so hot. Freddie and I are both sick but I think we are now on the mend. I did practice for an hour today in the heat and it felt good. My leg and knee are getting much better. Then Juan Camas and Ana invited us to eat when their food was ready. I was hot and sweaty and my voice was still hoarse. People say I should sing with my voice like this, but I can’t hit very many notes! Juan Camas gave me a lecture about slowing down which I didn’t want to hear. Everyone has advice for us for getting well. I do appreciate their concern. A little while later, I ate the food that Juan and Ana had prepared, some rice with calamari and fish that was delicious and felt very healthy. Freddie wasn’t hungry yet but will eat some later. I have been asking people about gazpacho, since we have become gazpacho fanatics. Juan del Gastor was here today practicing his guitar and when he came to the patio where we were sitting in the shade of the trees, there was a food discussion going on between Juan Camas, Ana, Luis, Freddie and me which Juan del Gastor joined. I asked Juan del Gastor about gazpacho and he told me his recipe. A little later I started to write it down, because I had decided to compile a list of everyone’s gazpacho recipes. They all seem to differ, so I asked Juan again as I was writing and Luis jumped in with his version. Voices were raised, Spanish style, and Juan almost left. My voice was too hoarse to explain but Freddie managed to stop this escalation of differing opinions. However, Juan’s explanation this time was much shorter. He and Concha have both said that you have to see it being made to understand how to make it. People get very riled up about their gazpacho recipes and each one has a different twist. We did learn that the type of olive oil used is of extreme importance. Both Juans said that the olive oil from the first pressing from Moron (Juan del Gastor’s “pueblo”, home town), which can only be bought in the factories, is the best. It is still green. I forgot to ask what kind of olives are best! Apparently Moron has a reputation for producing magnificent olive oil as well as being the place where Diego del Gastor, the legendary guitar player, (Juan’s uncle) lived. Luis says that we can buy good oil in the US because he and Freddie found some there in Santa Cruz, so that it is not necessary to bring any back. Bring back saffron instead. Juan Camas says that the Italian olive oil that we buy in the States is originally from Spain and then is sent to Italy to be processed. Spaniards are very passionate about a lot of things.

Last night, after quietly uploading more photos for Margaret to put on our web site, we went to Modesto’s at about eleven PM for a late dinner. There were people eating out everywhere and we were lucky to find a small table outside. I felt like I could hardly move. On our way back we passed by the Alta Mira and saw Paco, May, Nacha, Jose Luis, and a naturopath doctor friend of Paco’s eating a small dinner at one of the outside tables. Paco said that Luis had sung just before they left and that he had sung beautifully because the people were quiet. When it is noisy, of course, the musicians have a hard time. When we arrived back at the Carboneria Concha was there, as she had said she would be, looking beautiful and fresh. She said she would bring us some gazpacho for sure on Monday. She makes great gazpacho. Soon Luis sang again and he did sing beautifully. Afterwards, I was still so tired I could hardly move so we said good bye and headed upstairs. Concha said not to set my clock to practice early and that I didn’t need to practice on Sunday, only to rest so I could get better. I took her advice about not setting the clock and Freddie and I both slept nine and a half hours.

It was late and hot when we awoke. Luis called from downstairs and he and Freddie decided to go to the Alameda “rastro” flea market which happens on Sundays and Thursdays. I felt too sick to go so I stayed here and practiced. Afterwards, Juan Camas and Ana said that they had been to the rastro for two hours in the heat and had not seen Luis and Freddie. When Freddie and Luis came back a short time later they said that they had arrived too late and that everyone had been packing up. But they didn’t seem to mind. They had a nice time getting out, and before heading for the Alameda had had gazpacho and coffee at the Alta Mira with Paco. After their Alameda adventure, they had gone to the bar across the street where Carlos Robles usually hangs out every day, but he was not there today. Carlos Robles is the dancer who came to the US with Luis last fall. He and Luis both spent several weeks at our home in Paradiso (Soquel “de la Frontera”, California).

July 6, 1999, Tuesday

I am so tired I do not know how I will continue, but I will. At least the weather has cooled off a little. Concha is giving me so much styling that I have to practice twice a day to get it all. I am now half way though the second letra of the Siguiriya and I am looking much better. But it is so hard. I am always bathed in sweat and my thighs and knees ache from the deep plis and holding the tension of the dance. This morning I tried having my class at twelve, instead of one so I wouldn’t have to run out and eat and rush right back. I practiced first, as usual, from quarter to eleven until twelve and was dripping wet and my thighs were already aching and weak when Concha showed up for my class. Because I had practiced last night and this morning I had learned what she had showed me yesterday so she gave me a lot more. She pushed me hard, encouraging me to dance with force and strength, which I did although I was exhausted. At the end of my class she asked me if I would like to perform at the Carboneria in September before I leave. It would be the three of us, Freddie playing, Concha singing, and me dancing. She asked Paco after she asked me and he said yes. She said we would invite friends and that I would learn to block out everybody but her and Freddie. It will be a good experience. It is interesting that I can’t push myself any more because I will perform this dance. I am already pushing myself as much as I can. It is a good feeling to know that there is nothing I can change in what I am already doing. The performance will be a culmination of what I have learned. I will not gear up to it because I am already gearing up to my maximum right now! I can’t even worry about it. An interesting predicament. Luis might be in France when this happens. He is waiting for a contract and a man from Madrid who will come this week. They want him and Carlos in France for August and September. They also want Luis in Japan, I think also in September, or perhaps a little later. He will work into the contract a ticket to the US. He is thinking that he will come to the US from France, and that if they want him in Japan they will have to give him a round trip ticket from US to Japan and back to the US. That way we will have him in California!

Miguel Alcala, the artist from France who draws Flamenco singers, guitarists and dancers just sent Luis a book of his drawings with a drawing of Luis in it.(Miguel was here for about a week producing a CD with Pepa Vargas singing. He also produced the four CD’s made with Pedro Bacan before he died. Concha danced on two of the cuts). Luis seems to be more and more in demand. And I can see why. He is a powerful and sincere singer. We go to Tangiers, Morocco on Friday so we can get our passports stamped and return to Spain. That way the time we are here will conform to Spain’s rules. It is hard here to even get a bus schedule but we have the times that the bus leaves now. The next question is whether we can just go to Tarifa and take the hydrofoil or do we go to Ajeciras and take the slower ferry. The hydrofoil option will depend on how rough the ocean is that day. Jose Luis says that now a lot of Arabs are going to France for summer vacation so the ferry will be very crowded. (Freddie says it is David Jones who said that. And I read in a guide book that the Arabs come from France and other countries in Europe where they work. They go home to Morocco for the summer vacations. I guess we’ll learn more when we go). We tried calling a travel agency today but the line was always busy. Arrangements seem so difficult and time consuming here. I was lucky that Jose Luis helped me call and I didn’t have to hope that the person on the other end of the telephone would talk slowly enough for me to understand. Yesterday I called about flying but the times we wanted were already booked up and it was very expensive and not that much faster. We are hoping this trip will be restful and that we can get in some beach time in a climate that is a little cooler than Sevilla.

We plan to return on Monday and resume our lessons on Tuesday. I am hoping to finish the Siguiriyas soon so I can start on Buleras and learn some of that from Concha before we have to return home. Our time here feels so limited. It is! Concha talked again of wanting to come to California for our wedding and to be the Madrina. That would be fun. She also gave me the names of two costume makers whom we can interview about making my wedding dress. Concha is thinking of designs! She called one seamstress today and set up an appointment for me on Tuesday afternoon. That woman makes costumes for Aurora Vargas and Esperanza Fernandez. The other costume maker hasn’t answered the telephone and may be on vacation. Concha will try again tonight for me. She said that if I tried and got an answer to have her call Concha. I really appreciate that. Concha talked again of how important the understanding and communication is between teacher and student and how much she enjoys teaching me. I feel so lucky. Of course, I totally enjoy her too. Despite my aches and pains, my knee seems to be healing. I am still using the knee brace and of course the oils which help immensely. I am also taking anti-inflamatories. But with the amount I am stressing my knees and legs I am feel that I am healing phenomenally.

July 8, 1999, Thursday

We leave for Tangiers, Morocco tomorrow morning and will be off-line (no e-mail) until Tuesday evening. It is hot hot hot again today and we are glad to be getting out of Sevilla. We even sweat in the air conditioned restaurants. It will be good also to take a rest from our lessons. My thighs need a rest.

We have been putting towels on the bed at night, over the sheet, and they absorb our sweat and it feels much better. We are both almost completely well. I am up to the second escobilla in the polishing of the Siguiriyas. It is starting to look good. I have been working on my posture more and it is starting to show.

I have also been missing my mother, Virginia, lately. Perhaps it started when we went to the ocean, her favorite place in the world, any ocean where she could swim. I have been wearing her diamond wedding band since shortly before we left for Spain and when I emerged from the sea the other day the tiny diamonds encircling my finger seemed to shine more, as if acknowledging my mother’s passion. Although I had the ring fixed and the settings redone after her husband, Jack’s, death, the diamonds (or their settings) are still a little rough and the stones on the inside of my hand have made marks on my thighs where I do the step where I hit my legs in comps in the Siguiriyas. I remember dancing for my mother before she died. I think she would have liked the Siguiriyas. When I look down at my subtly sparkling finger I think of her and I miss her. I keep wanting to tell her all my news.

I also think of my step mother, Elena, who died a year and a half before my mother. I have been wearing an old watch of hers which also has tiny diamonds in it. I never had diamonds before and I have always wanted them. Now I have them and in their reflection of the light I am reminded of the mothers who have passed on.